Realizing the Truth

We all are familiar with the idea that we should be detached from the things of this world, but do we really practice this? Do we really even believe this?
If you watch the news, you'll see an endless barrage of people crying and complaining about the economy. If I was an extra-terrestrial visiting earth for the first time to study its inhabitants, I would surely get the feeling that Money, Material Wealth and Security are our planet's Gods.
Our society only rewards those who make the love of money their goal in life. It follows that in our present economy these people are feeling insecure and terrified instead of seeing the Truth that God is trying to communicate.
It seems obvious that He is showing us that money, accumulation of wealth and conspicuous consumption are empty, hollow practices and so fleeting.
I have fallen for this lie--I go through periods of wanting a huge house, new cars, pretty things--but I always come back to what I know is the only important thing--God and His will for my life.
Following God's will is the only path to happiness--I have learned this lesson the hard way, over and over.
It may take losing all we hold dear to discover this Truth, but if we're smart (pray to God for wisdom) we'll eventually figure out that there is only one thing that promises eternal security and bliss--and that is God.
I had been guilty of letting the daily grind rob me of this Truth--and I am so thankful that God used an unexpected illness to set me straight. I found out exactly what was most precious to me--my God and my family. It sure doesn't matter how many cars you buy when you are on your back in the hospital!
It's my prayer that more of our society wake up and see that all of our scrambling to make gods out of the created world is futile and empty and will lead nowhere.
As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord!

When Following Our Vocation is Difficult

Due to my recent health crises, I had an opportunity to really get closer to God. Being sick is so lonely—I felt so removed from my regular life. I felt as though everything I was and everything that I had previously taken for granted was slipping away. I was completely overwhelmed and scared. This made me think about all of the people in our world who never have any relief from their trials; people who never get to rest in a nice clean bed or have a family to care for them.
I thought that I would never feel good again and that depressed me. When I did get home, my former life and its tasks completely overwhelmed me. I was still weak and ‘out of it,’ and my kids were decompressing from all the changes they had to endure—seeing me leave in an ambulance, staying at my in-laws and seeing how stressed we all were, and honestly they were driving me crazy. For the first time I just did not want to mother my children—I just wanted everyone to leave me alone…but I know you all have experienced the realization that it just isn’t possible to do this as a mother; I knew my kids needed me and there was no other human being on earth that could take my place in their lives. I thought of how their lives would be without the care of their mother—and I knew instinctively that they would suffer.
I was most distressed to experience something that I had never experienced before—I dreaded taking care of my children! I was alarmed and confused by this feeling. I started to think that it was a mistake to have thought I would be a good mother—I mean now I felt like I wanted to be free from the relentless fussing and crying and feeding and cleaning. I felt so sad and guilty about this, and told my husband, Andrew how I was feeling. Thank God that I married my soul-mate and such a wise person. He reminded me that I was still in recovery—my feelings were normal.
It gave me a new perspective on my vocation: what to do when God’s calling for your life is overwhelming and difficult. I had enjoyed my vocation as wife and mother ever since my first positive pregnancy test, and here I was wishing that I could just be zapped away and relieved of my duties as a mother. I felt despair and depression and just overwhelming dread every morning that I had to try once again to hold it together.
One of the worst things I experienced was a feeling of isolation from God. My brain was tired and set on survival mode—I wasn’t able to read and pray like I was used to. Things were exhausting to even think about. I wondered what God was doing with this situation in my life.
As I slowly made a recovery, I felt so much closer to God. I was able to see things in a new light—how precious and fragile our lives are and how grateful I was to God for restoring my health. I was reminded of St. Paul’s counsel to be happy during my suffering and use it to renew my commitment to God and my vocation. This situation was obviously a huge message from God and my job was to figure out what He wanted me to do.
What I discovered about my life is that I had been guilty of idol worship and serving two masters—I was allowing the difficulties of this life to distract me from what is the only important thing: God. I was constantly trying to escape my feelings, to avoid having to feel any discomfort and God was trying to tell me that my life just was not working. I had to stop all the self-pity about being deprived of material things and turn my focus to God.
I was so relieved when I realized that ALL I HAD TO DO TODAY WAS SERVE and LOVE GOD! That’s it! If I did that, everything else would fall into place. I’m a convert to Catholicism, and my parents were atheists who taught us that only weak people go to church and read the Bible. I was shown how to mock religion and smugly feel above all those masses running after the opium of religion. When I searched for meaning in my own life, I came to the opposite realization that it is only logical and reasonable that there IS a God. Unfortunately, it is hard to rewire your brain from childhood imprints, so I tended to doubt often and to not really connect to God. I think part of it is that I am terrified that my dad is right—how dreadful life would be if this were true. My journey through illness has helped me realize that there are only a few things in this life that are important: my God and my family. I just have to build my trust in the truth of Jesus Christ and the Catholic Church.
God has also used my illness to tell me that I need to get things in order. I must have a daily schedule for housework and the children so that my life doesn’t fly into total chaos if I am sick. I must make more use of the graces of the sacramentals, most of all the Eucharist. I must make time in each day to teach my children about God. I must stick close to Mary for courage and fortitude in living my vocation. I must make time in the day to talk to God, to read the Bible and other spiritual books and strengthen my prayer life.
It’s a relief to learn all of this—now I know that my life is in chaos because of my inaction; or thinking that I can get organized if I order a cute planner with stickers and cute pens from the internet. I have everything I need already. I don’t have to rely on my own strength to do God’s will—He will provide it.

It’s nice to be home!

Finally Back!

Wow--our family had a very stressful time with illness--I just could not recover from an initial case of pneumonia/chronic sinus infection + a very scary drug interaction that caused me to be taken to the hospital with what we thought were seizures...whew! Thank God for my health, family and for allowing me to continue my vocation here on earth!!!!!!

Choosing Freedom in a Culture that Celebrates Slavery

Wow! Today's Gospel really spoke to me! As human beings with the amazing power of free choice, we most often choose slavery. We choose idols--shopping, that extra two or three glasses of wine at dinner, just to "take the edge off" and making sure that our friends and coworkers know we have "The Best." We do this to feel good, to numb pain, to avoid thinking about how lonely we are...And it doesn't work. Ever. In fact, the scriptures are very clear on this point: we must serve only God, and we can't have two masters. I think that the story of Moses being up on the mountain with God and leaving the rest of the Israelites (us) alone for awhile terrified them, and then arrogance was born. Who needs God? We have this terrific precious metal cow! What could possibly go wrong?

Of course we can enjoy things--God's creation is good, and He wants us to be happy and be filled with wonder at His creation. We run into the problems when we start to compulsively try to fill that ache inside with created thingsand not The Creator. There is nothing the Creator made that can be superior to Him. Finding comfort in anything created is to cheat yourself out of going to the very source of that comfort.

Of course, Satan is crafty and intelligent, we cannot underestimate his power to distort the truth and make what he is offering look urbane, witty, and intellectually superior. He makes us laugh at people who "just don't get it"--this life is all we have, so we might as well enjoy every carnal pleasure there is, and who cares about the consequences? He is genius at using intellectual arguments that seem to prove that by believing in a Creator, we are we are hopelessly intellectually simple, mentally immature. He uses what usually gets us all--PRIDE, (after all, Satan has incredible charisma-imagine George Clooney) and then you're hooked, you're a slave. Of course, the realization and manifestation of the consequences of your sin happens slowly over time-- You are no longer "the captain of your ship" as you believed from the very beginning; you are a lowly slave making mud bricks. And all because you believed the Lie that you are on par with God.

That's it! It's God or Satan. Good or Evil.

It's such an obviously simple concept, but at the same time, of course, it is mind-blowingly complex.

The consequences of both choices has filled literature, and anywhere life is discussed, and it always will. It is the question we must answer and reflect that answer in the way we live our lives. It is a personal question that we each are required to answer. And it is one with great consequences.

On antoher note, something I had never noticed in reading this Gospel is that God not only tells us to knock (pray)--He tells us to KNOCK PERSISTENTLY, ANNOYINGLY--so much that in the story the man finally got so irritated he gave his friend the bread he asked for so he could go back to sleep! It sounds like God wants us to ask for our needs like my 4 year old (and she makes her needs abundantly clear!) And, yes, she usually gets her way , within reason. OK--sometimes it's cookies for breakfast.

We need to pray so much and so hard and so often and relentlessly that God will act to make the prayers stop! What a concept!

Thursday of the Twenty-seventh week in Ordinary Time
Book of Malachi 3:13-20.

You have defied me in word, says the LORD, yet you ask, "What have we spoken against you?" You have said, "It is vain to serve God, and what do we profit by keeping his command, And going about in penitential dress in awe of the LORD of hosts? Rather must we call the proud blessed; for indeed evildoers prosper, and even tempt God with impunity."

Then they who fear the LORD spoke with one another, and the LORD listened attentively; And a record book was written before him of those who fear the LORD and trust in his name. And they shall be mine, says the LORD of hosts, my own special possession, on the day I take action. And I will have compassion on them, as a man has compassion on his son who serves him. Then you will again see the distinction between the just and the wicked;

Between him who serves God, and him who does not serve him.

For lo, the day is coming, blazing like an oven, when all the proud and all evildoers will be stubble, And the day that is coming will set them on fire, leaving them neither root nor branch, says the LORD of hosts.

But for you who fear my name, there will arise the sun of justice with its healing rays; And you will gambol like calves out of the stall

Psalms 1:1-2.3.4.6. Happy those who do not follow the counsel of the wicked, Nor go the way of sinners, nor sit in company with scoffers. Rather, the law of the LORD is their joy; God's law they study day and night. They are like a tree planted near streams of water, that yields its fruit in season; Its leaves never wither; whatever they do prospers. But not the wicked! They are like chaff driven by the wind. The LORD watches over the way of the just, but the way of the wicked leads to ruin. Holy Gospel of Jesus Christ according to Saint Luke 11:5-13. And he said to them, "Suppose one of you has a friend to whom he goes at midnight and says, 'Friend, lend me three loaves of bread, for a friend of mine has arrived at my house from a journey and I have nothing to offer him,' and he says in reply from within, 'Do not bother me; the door has already been locked and my children and I are already in bed. I cannot get up to give you anything.' I tell you, if he does not get up to give him the loaves because of their friendship, he will get up to give him whatever he needs because of his persistence. And I tell you, ask and you will receive; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks, receives; and the one who seeks, finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened. What father among you would hand his son a snake when he asks for a fish? Or hand him a scorpion when he asks for an egg? If you then, who are wicked, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will the Father in heaven give the holy Spirit to those who ask him?"

Commentary of the day : Saint Hilary "Ask and you will receive; seek and you will find"

Then and Now

In my younger years--after high school and into my late 20's, I lived a very worldly life. I did not know my own precious value, so I allowed others, usually men, to treat me like that.
I had two college degrees, but I was "wearing the uniform" of a woman who only valued her looks. I remember the time it took to maintain this uniform: manicures, pedicures, hair, expensive makeup, expensive revealing clothes, high heels.
The men I dated were young, ambitious guys from an elite business graduate school (or the older graduates I met at bars, older rich men out at expensive and popular nightclubs and who were almost all married)--they had money to impress women, and that's what they did.
I look back on how I was back then and just feel so sad for that young girl trying so desperately to be loved. I mistakenly thought that if I caught the fleeting attention of one of these guys, he would sweep me off my feet and we'd live a wonderful life. The Deceiver meant for me to think this since it kept me far away from God--the One who loves the real me.
I will always remember sitting on my bed one day crying and deciding to kill myself. It was such a clear thought, and I decided the easiest thing to do was to overdose on drugs. Since by that time in my life, drugs were rampant and an effective pain killer for my self-hatred, it would not be difficult. I did overdose, and I remember convulsing and then not being able to breathe. When I got to the hospital, I told them "I'm going to die" and an Angel (I know this was one) nurse grabbed my hand and firmly, almost in an angry way "NO YOU'RE NOT." I survived in a coma for 3 days in ICU.
I think our culture is perhaps not this dramatic in its message to all of us: you are nothing unless you have __________ . (fill in the blank). We are tricked into believing that what we have on the inside just doesn't matter--it's the VISIBLE things, especially ones that only the few have, are what defines a person.
I posted this because the strangeness of the technology of the Internet these days makes it possible for people who you want to forget will look you up, expecting to find that person--the facade--they remember. I've a number of these experiences, and they really make me laugh! Um, no--I'm not 20, I weigh 30 pounds more and I rarely wear makeup *not to mention I love my husband and children*

Thank you Jesus Christ, my Lord and Savior that you showed me that there is something so precious and beautiful in me!

Good vs. Evil

Dramatic title, huh? But we are faced with it every day of our lives. Will we choose what is pleasing to God or not?

I struggle with many issues, like so many of you, and sometimes it takes all the energy I can to call on Mary and Jesus to help me. Sometimes pain and anxiety can be so overwhelming I would do anything to make it stop.

I've often asked Jesus why I'm saddled with the issues that I have. I've used different approaches to deal with them--all of no avail or only short relief.

Then yesterday in prayer I had this feeling of peace, and I think Jesus let me know that with all our issues, there are only two choices: those pleasing only to us/sin and those pleasing to God--the path to complete peace.

I figured out a way to take that tremendous psychological pressure and energy an channel it or to use that great ball of energy telling me to sin and go full force with choosing God.

I started with housework, and today it was a blessing! I enjoyed doing each task personally for Jesus. The mental craving, obsessing and relentlss anxiety went away.

I also learned another valuable lesson: if I was employed at a corporation, they would fire me! I would have tons of "sick days" when i sit around in my pj's and just take care of the kids so they will make it through the day (diapers, hugs, meals, playing)--so I can veg out on Dr. Phil.

I also don't think I'd show up to work looking like I just rolled out of bed and showed up in what I've worn to bed.

I had to face it (if you are easily offended, close your eyes): I am 'half-assing my vocation. It's so much more than a job--it is my personal calling from My Lord to accept all the challenges head on and work hard.

Today made such a difference to me--up before anyone, took a shower & did hair/makeup/dressed. I'm slowly tackling those housekeeping "yuck" things, like going through clothes to donate, cleaning baseboards, organizing--but in a much more spiritual manner.

Now when I'm ironing my daughter's uniform for school, I think of how much I am grateful for having her, having Mary as my Mother and Jesus as my Savior!

Blessings instead of Murmerings

I think that it is so easy for me to get mired in the negative connotations that we give the myriad of activities we do each day, and forget the absolute miracles God provides all around us.
Caring for young children is one task a lot of us can relate to--we sneak around during naptime so we don't wake them early; having to deal with all that goes with a toddler; we grow weary of the never-ending questions of "why?" and my daughter's favorite "why not?!"
I dread going to visit family which entails getting 3 unwilling toddlers to wash off the grime that I ignore that they live with, for lack of a better explanation, brush their teeth, get them dressed in clothes that not only much match, but also not be stained.
Then there is the luggage to be packed and checked and rechecked (and this is for a day trip 2 hours away). I enjoy the drive to our destination, for this is the only time we can enjoy relative silences and perhaps an adult’s only conversation.
How ungrateful I am!! God must cringe sometimes when He looks at all the miracles I miss by my murmurings. Just like the Israelites, we tend to murmur and actually complain that we would be better off in slavery! “Hey, in Egypt we at least got fed!” Yes, and made into the lowest we can be in life—is this really what I want? Only soft, easy work, no problems, oblivious to the people I can help, NO CROSS TO BEAR? Oh, my Lord! What unfathomable joys I would miss!
This really hits home for me since I guess you would call me a "late-comer" to the Catholic Church and to complete belief in Jesus Christ, Our Lord.
I was 30 when I converted from the Episcopal Church (wow--I won't even comment on their current quagmire). I had only been baptized in my early 20's, and was new to the Anglican Church when I met my husband.
What a blessing! What a gift of God our whole coming together in that holy calling of the sacrament of marriage, and now blessings with 3 children!
I am a researcher and avid reader (I majored in English and got my Master's in Library Science), so before decided to convert to Catholicism, I had educated myself on the "nuts and bolts" of the religion and found them to be things I totally agreed with. (The spiritual enveloping of Divine Grace that only comes from the Lord had not happened yet--I was still "in my head)" Currently I am experiencing so many graces through Jesus being led by his Precious Mother Mary—I plan to make another post about that. Anyway--back to the beginning of this post—yesterday I found myself sitting and waiting (and waiting and waiting—from 12:00 to 5:39) all day long at the endocrinologist, then waiting for my prescription--it was literally the entire day. I started using the time to bless people who were in line, those that were growing increasingly angry and belligerent, and I just started praying for the peace of the Lord to envelop them. I think we rarely get the actual opportunity to pray for strangers while they stand in front of us--and I had several pleasant conversations. I hope I gave some peace to those who were stressed, old and alone and obviously only had the interactions of the pharmacy tech as human contact. But here I stand, Lord, grumbling at the early alarm clock, the baby who won't stay asleep for that hour I get to read, that constant cacophony three happy, healthy little ones.

Lord, please help me see only the blessings You have bestowed on me--not one through my own merit--but only through Your indescribable love for me.

Pondering Pages

I've been sharing how I've been struggling with fatigue and health problems for awhile now. It's been hard to accept everything God is giving me. Somehow we seem to think that by believing in God means that everything is going to be "perfect"--at least no big problems. But the truth is, problems are part of life, a result of our original rejection of God's will. Life is hard sometimes--even unbearable.
Today I got my October issue of Magnificat and found a meditation that really spoke to me:

How to Be Vigilant
The easiest way to keep your peace of heart is to accept everything as coming directly from the hands of the God who loves you If you do this, any pain or persecution anything which is difficult to accept will be transformed into a source of joy , happiness and peace...
Night and day let your aim to remain in simplicity and gentleness, calmness and serenity, and in freedom from created things, so that you will find your joy in the Lord Jesus.
Love silence and solitude, even when in the midst of a crowd or when caught up in your work. Physical of a crowd or when caught up in your work. Physical solitude is a good thing, provided that it is backed up by prayer and a holy life, but far better than this is solitude of the heart, which is the interior desert in your spirit can become totally immersed in God and can hear and savor r the words of eternal life. God, and can hear and savor the words of eternal life. With great purity of intention, aim in everything to do what pleases God. Always remain faithful to God an genuinely accept whatever He wishes.

Personal Trials

Before I begin my post, I invite all of my fellow Catholic mama bloggers to offer up a prayer for my friend Gina who is waiting for a precious baby to adopt.  She is going through domestic adoption of newborns usually born to young girls, and she has had to jump through many hoops, get her hopes up and come crashing down many times.

Dear Jesus,
Please place the perfect baby meant completely and solely for Gina--the baby that you have chosen for her even before you created man.  I know that you have a perfect plan for us all, especially Gina, and I pray for your gift of patience, faith and trust in your Divine will.  Please also offer Gina and her family some relief from their pain of longing for parenthood, and grant Gina the faith to trust in your Providence.


I pray this through Christ, Our Lord, Amen.

I was meditating this morning about how different each of our personal trials are--some people are given incurable, fatal diseases that seem to have no redeeming value, only crushing pain and grief.  others have sufferings due to not "fitting in" to our secular culture who are bullied, teased and terrorized at school for not following the crowd (I'm thinking of lonely children who are lacking that latest secular product/look/possession that would deem them "OK" by their peers).  Some women are called to suffer through the death of a child--the absolute, end-all, excruciating pain--the type of pain that is almost impossible to bear day after day.  Some women are called to suffer with abusive childhoods, troublesome illnesses, limited financial resources, infertility, abandonment by husbands, crippling accidents, loss of freedom, unrelenting depression--you know the list goes on ad infinitum.
I used to think that since there were so many stories of Jesus acting as the Healer--the Great Physician--the God/Man called to us to heal the sick and sinners--He came for us!  We are suffering!  If I only ask, pray and beg him to heal my personal illnesses that are my trials and my crosses to bear, He would hear me and relieve my pain.
I've come to see it a bit differently now.  We cannot forget that He made it abundantly clear: TAKE UP YOUR CROSS and follow Me.  Wait a minute, Jesus!  I thought maybe you could cure me of this illness first, and then I'd be glad to come with You!  It's taken me awhile to put it together that by defining my own terms, I am just like the man who wanted to bury his father first, or the man who just thought he could take his money and riches with him while following Jesus.
It seems to me that Jesus has designed our trials and crosses in a supremely personal manner.  The things we suffer and our response to this grief of picking it up and adding this weight to our cross is exactly how Jesus planed it from the very beginning.  If we want to have Jesus take care of all of our problems first, we are never going to grow spiritually.  We will always be spiritual infants--every time our own infant cries, we attend to him immediately--with our breast, a diaper, a rocking chair cuddle, a pat on the back for a burp. Our infants do not need to carry a cross or suffer a trial of neglect--it is not redemptive suffering.  WE, on the other hand, need to call ourselves lucky and fortunate for our trials as St. Paul tells us.  It is part of the plan to have trials.  And, we have it from the very lips of Our Lord that we MUST pick up our cross and carry it and follow Him.
The easy way out is self-pity.  I should know, this is my usual tactic until I can pray about whatever trial I am hiding from.  We can always whine and say "it's not fair!  my neighbor doesn't have this trial!"  How ignorant we can be.  Who knows what trials and crosses others bear--they may just be something so devastating, painful, soul-crushing and impossible to bear most of the time.  Perhaps they are a bit more spiritually mature than us and count it a blessing that they are being purified here on earth with their crosses.  Maybe when we feel sorry for ourselves, we can meditate on the Stations of the Cross, or just imagine ourselves as Mary holding Jesus' crushed and tortured corpse. 
It just might give us a little encouragement.
God is so amazing that He loves us so much that He has designed for us EXACTLY the circumstances we need in our lives in order to come to greet Him face to face in Heaven.  How awesome is that!  Our trials are made just for us!  There's not a generic cross for the human race to carry to redemption.  That would mean a generic love.  God has each of us precisely in mind, and He loves us so much he can number the hairs on our heads!
So, with St. Paul, I pray for the strength to consider my trials as wonderful opportunities to please God, to strengthen and mature my spirituality and closeness to God, and to add to my strength to pick up this cross of mine and follow my Savior.

Another WONDERFUL article about this same topic can be found here: Why do we go through trials?

Lara is having another baby!!!!

our new baby, Cinnamon. She is super small, uses her puppy pads, and played with Liliana and Isabella so gently! She is so sweet!

Throw off the Darkness!

Throw off the Darkness
"Remember this day on which you came out of Egypt, out of the house of slavery, because the LORD brought you out from there by strength of hand; no leavened bread shall be eaten" (Ex 13:3).
What does that mean?
You who wish to be imitator of my Son, turn your eyes from death to life and keep in mind the salvation for that Day which is my Son, who trampled death and gave life, so that you went forth from the wretched exile of perdition; you threw off the thick darkness of infidelity and tore yourselves away form that house of the Devil, to whom Adam's transgression had given you.
Turn your eyes from earthly to heavenly actions, for by divine power I the Lord have led you out of evil; I who rule over all with such strength that no obstacle can stand against my might, but I sharply penetrate all things. So through my Son I have snatched you from the place where you shamefully lay in your wickedness, serving death by your infidelity instead of doing good works.
And now that you are freed in my OnlyBegotten from that oppression, go from strength to strength. Do not follow the arts of the devil or the other fictions people devise for themselves, corrupted by philosophers, pagans and heretics; but imitate my Son as a mirror of faith, who delivered you from the prison of hell when he gave himself for you to the suffering of the cross.
And, that you may more carefully follow in in steps, strengthen you hearts with the celestial bread, and so with faithful devotion receive his body. For he came from heaven and was born of the sweet and pure virgin, and, by suffering for you on the cross, gave you his very self, so that now you may receive the sweet and pure virgin, and by suffering for you on the cross, gave you his very self; so that now you may receive the sweet and pure bread, which is his body, consecrated on the altar by divine invocation, without any bitterness but with sincere affection, and thus escape from humanity's inner hunger and attain not he the banquet of eternal beatitude.

~~~Saint Hildegard of Bingen (taken from Catholic Women's Devotional Bible)